Maybe Wellness Is Just Paying Attention

My husband once called me “Mother Wellness.”

I laughed so hard.

In the moment, it sounded ridiculous. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he wasn’t completely wrong.

I do prioritize movement.

I protect my quiet time.

I pay attention to what gives me energy and what drains it and, for the most part, act accordingly.

I’ll go for a walk or run to clear my head. I schedule my sweat time. I choose a little more space when life gets noisy. I go to bed at 8:30 when I’m tired.

I’m not perfect at it.

But I’ve learned what happens when I stop listening to myself.

And I think there’s something in that for founders.

We don't always notice ourselves

The funny thing is, we don’t always see ourselves the way other people do.

We are too close to our own patterns.

The things that feel completely normal to us are often the things other people notice first.

Someone else might see that you’re taking on too much before you admit it.

They might notice that you’re constantly checking your phone.

That you haven’t taken a real day off in months.

That you’ve stopped doing the things you used to enjoy.

That you’re more impatient than usual.

That every conversation somehow turns into a conversation about work.

And you might just think:

“This is how things are right now.”

That’s the part I find interesting.

Sometimes the warning signs of burnout don't look dramatic.

They look normal.

Founders are particularly good at ignoring themselves

Founders spend an incredible amount of time responding to other people.

Employees need something.

A customer has a problem.

A decision needs to be made.

A supplier needs an answer.

There’s money to think about.

There’s growth.

There’s hiring.

There’s something that broke.

There’s something that needs fixing.

And then there’s a family at home.

It’s very easy to become exceptionally good at responding to everyone else while becoming increasingly disconnected from yourself.

You can be incredibly responsible and still not be taking care of yourself.

You can be successful and still not be okay.

You can be functioning and still be running on empty.

And sometimes, because founders are so used to solving problems, they approach their own wellbeing the same way.

They try to optimize it.

Better sleep.

Better routines.

Better nutrition.

Better workouts.

Better time management.

Another app.

Another system.

Another morning routine.

Another thing to be “good” at.

But I wonder if we sometimes miss the point.

Maybe wellness isn't another thing to optimize.

Maybe it's simply paying attention.

What gives you energy?

I think we underestimate how useful this question is.

Not:

“What should I be doing?”

Not:

“What does a successful person do?”

Not:

“What does everyone on LinkedIn say I need to be doing?”

But:

“What actually gives me energy?”

For me, sometimes that means movement.

Sometimes it means being alone.

Sometimes it means going to bed early.

Sometimes it means saying no.

Sometimes it means getting outside.

Sometimes it means creating enough quiet that I can actually hear what I’m thinking.

The answer is different for everyone.

And it changes.

That's important too.

What worked for you five years ago might not work for you now.

What energized you before you had employees, children, a growing business, or a completely different set of responsibilities may not be what you need today.

Paying attention means being willing to notice that.

Burnout doesn't always begin with burnout

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot as I prepare for next week’s Beyond Burnout: Founders Running on Empty conversation.

We often talk about burnout as though there is a clear moment when it happens.

One day you're fine.

Then suddenly you're burned out.

But I don't think it always works that way.

Sometimes it starts much earlier.

You stop doing the things that make you feel like yourself.

You stop noticing that you're tired.

You start saying yes because it's easier.

You stop taking breaks because there's too much to do.

You become permanently reachable.

You tell yourself you'll get back to yourself when things calm down.

And things don't calm down.

There is always another thing.

Another problem.

Another goal.

Another busy season.

Another reason to wait.

Until eventually, you look around and realize you've built a life that requires you to constantly override yourself.

That's where paying attention matters.

Not because it prevents every difficult season.

It doesn't.

There will be seasons when work is demanding. There will be family challenges, financial pressure, growth, uncertainty, loss, change and things you simply can't control.

Wellness doesn't mean creating a life where nothing is difficult.

It means knowing yourself well enough to notice when something is changing.

You don't have to be perfect at it

I think this is where wellness can become another source of pressure.

We're already surrounded by messages telling us how to eat, sleep, exercise, work, parent, lead and live.

The last thing we need is another standard we're failing to meet.

I don't wake up every morning perfectly balanced.

I don't always listen to what I need.

Sometimes I stay up too late.

Sometimes I work when I should stop.

Sometimes I ignore the very things I know help me.

The difference is that I notice.

And when I notice, I can make a different choice.

That's really the whole point.

Not perfection.

Awareness.

Maybe being “Mother Wellness” isn't so bad

I still think it's funny that my husband calls me “Mother Wellness.”

But maybe he was onto something.

Not because I have wellness figured out.

I absolutely don't.

But because I've learned that paying attention to myself isn't selfish.

It isn't something I need to earn after everything else is done.

And it isn't another item on my list.

It's part of how I want to live.

And for founders, I think that matters.

Because your business gets a lot of you.

Your team gets a lot of you.

Your customers get a lot of you.

Your family gets a lot of you.

You get a lot of you too.

Maybe the question isn't:

“How do I optimize my wellness?”

Maybe it's much simpler.

What is my life trying to tell me right now?

And am I actually listening?