Writing One of Those Emails...

You know the email. The one you've drafted in your head a few times before actually sitting down to write it. The one that's likely way too emotionally charged and you end up re-writing 4 times. The one where you need to clarify expectations, redirect a conversation, or make it clear that something needs to be addressed by someone else.

I've written a few of those emails over the years. And while they aren't always comfortable, I've learned that sometimes they're necessary.

I think a lot of us find ourselves in situations where we take on more than we should. We become the person who steps in, smooths things over, follows up, connects the dots and tries to keep everyone moving in the same direction.

Sometimes that's part of the job.

But sometimes, without really noticing it, we become responsible for things that aren't ours to own.

We take on the communication that someone else needs to have. We get caught in the middle of disagreements. We try to resolve issues between people who really need to sit down and work through them together.

And before long, we're carrying something that was never ours to carry in the first place.

This is where boundaries come in.

And I don't mean big declarations or drawing hard lines in every situation.

Sometimes a boundary is a very simple email.

Acknowledge the concern. Be clear about where responsibility sits. Redirect the conversation to the people who need to have it.

You can do all of that respectfully, without being dismissive or making things unnecessarily uncomfortable.

But you also don't need to over-explain yourself.

You don't need to apologize for clarifying your role. And you don't need to take responsibility for how someone might react simply because you've communicated something they may not want to hear.

Being helpful doesn't mean being available for everything. Being supportive doesn't mean taking ownership of everything. And being collaborative doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations.

I think there's an element of empowerment in learning to send these emails, too. It's recognizing that you have a say in how you spend your time, what you take responsibility for, and how you allow others to engage with you. You can be kind and still be direct. You can care about the outcome without becoming responsible for every part of getting there. You can also step back without feeling like you've let someone down.

So the next time you're sitting there drafting one of those emails, perhaps ask yourself:

Am I taking responsibility for something that isn't mine to own?

Am I making this easier for everyone else at the expense of myself?

And what actually needs to happen next?

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is send the email, make the boundary clear, and let the right people take it from there.

Not every problem needs you in the middle of it.